loss

It's been a long while.  This space is already gathering dust.


I could wax poetic about the food that nourished my body and travels that fed my soul, to compensate for a year of absence. But the reality is, it took me a shitload of courage to hit that New Post button and start to write. 

Early last year, my younger sister passed away. Six months after that, we also lost my mother. I wish there's more eloquent way to say it - to soften the blow. This is the first time I am putting this into writing, after all.  But I am so spent and that's all I've got.


Most days, I would wake up and I still cannot make sense of what happened. The pandemic we all fear at that time doesn't even have anything to do with it. 


Grief used to be a foreign concept to me until it presented itself as an unwelcome guest carrying a placard that says life is fleeting.


My mother and sister, they were big part of this space. I am grateful that I could catch glimpse of their memories through old pages of this blog. Had I known that this could be a place of comfort when pain of loss is piercing, I would have written more.


Regrets never sit well with my vocabulary. But I know I should have written more.


So, here I am now. 


Despite the wreckage, here I am now.



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